just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize