Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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