she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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