worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Text me some of your sweat
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