Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
