I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
