i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize