i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
