worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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