hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
