just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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