You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize