Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize