She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
