i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
