I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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