She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
