you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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