One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I want is dick and wine.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize