i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
