my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
