Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
