what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
