is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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