we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
