You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
