Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
