i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
