I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize