I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
