I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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