nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
