Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
