I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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