PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
