what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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