apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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