so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
