Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My vagina is officially offended.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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