Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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