I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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