I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
