Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
