she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
