I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
