i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
