fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
