I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
