if you like me you must not know who I am
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
