youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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