Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
