How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
