what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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