I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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