Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
