you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
