home. puking in laundry basket.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
