i think my tv is drunk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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