What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
