Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
