with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
