dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
