I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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