He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
