non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
