I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
