Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need a burrito and a hug.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
