She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
