after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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