My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
