Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
