garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
