Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize