My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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