what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
