we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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