I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
