Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They have beer where we have blood.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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