so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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