Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
