I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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