Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Barsexuality is the new black.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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