Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
