Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
