I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize