Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well you can't waste a boner
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
