I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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