The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Someone signed my nipple.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
