I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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