sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
