she looked like the before picture.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
