people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
