Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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