He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
