Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
