im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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