Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
