someone get that fucking seahorse.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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