did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
