I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
