So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
