Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So apparently I’m into choking now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
